"You need more faith"

Some of you will remember THIS post and others will remember THIS post. What do the two have to do with each other and how on earth do they pertain to NOW? Well, it all starts with a story: I once had a wise Bishop who counseled me by saying, "You need more faith". It was said with such love and the spirit that instead of being my prideful self and thinking, "nah, that's the one thing I've got"... I thought instead... "You're right... I do need more faith." It was during a time when I had some BIG decisions ahead of me. Do I finish my degree with student teaching? Do I graduate early without the teaching certificate? Do I go on a mission? (which was really the answer I wanted). Do I apply to graduate programs? Law School?

I was just finishing up a final summer with EFY and was preparing to start my student teaching... no dating prospects, so no reason to even worry about that. I was visiting with my Bishop almost weekly trying to figure out what the Lord wanted me to do. I had been hoping to serve a mission since I turned 21 and every time I prayed the Lord seemed to say, "No, not now, I have other work for you to do." It was hard at times to put my faith in my answers and know it was coming from Him and not from me, but each time I followed, I knew exactly why it hadn't been the time. But at THIS time, I knew it had to be time. I was graduating, moving on, 23, and trying to figure it all out.

As I sat in my Bishop's office, the Lord again gave the blessing of His spirit that said, "Exercise your faith in me... the time will come, but it is not yet." The only thing that felt right was taking the LSAT. So, I made the preparations, studied (a little), and went forward with my student teaching. Little did I know the changes that were ahead:

- finding that teaching is truly my passion

- meeting the man I would marry

- understanding that my life would be my mission

- finding the direction I would need for later educational pursuits

- AND AGAIN... understanding that HE is in control

The second post had everything to do with faith and change again. It seems to be a recurring theme in my life. I think my Bishop was right... I need to have more faith, but not just faith for the sake of faith, but faith in HIM, in my Savior, Jesus Christ. It is through HIM that I can be whole, through HIM that I can find the direction that I need, through HIM that I am able to become... and for that I am grateful.

There are so many thoughts and feelings that I wish I had the eloquence to capture in writing, but the words simply escape me. I feel grateful for a Father in Heaven who trusted me and loved me enough to send me here to this earth and let me figure things out. I am grateful that He continues to send His LOVE and SPIRIT to comfort me and guide me. I am grateful that he sent me to parents who would teach me the things of eternity. I am grateful for the added measure of the Spirit that is found in the Holy Temple. I am grateful for a husband who is worthy to utilize the priesthood on my behalf. I am grateful for visiting teachers who love and care for me. I am grateful for opportunities to learn and grow and CHANGE; to repent, to let my wishes and desires go and the Lord's replace them.

We have both felt the tender PUSH of the Spirit lately. We knew something needed to change. We tried a few different options, but nothing seemed to work out... and then, again, my Bishop's words came into my heart, "You need to have more faith". And so, I worked harder to turn my wishes over to the Lord... I'm still not sure what He has been trying to teach me, but I know that HE is in control. HE LOVES us. HE loves me. So... what does this all mean? This means that we're moving again- to a 4-plex about a block and a half away. We'll be in our same ward, but we won't be managing apartments anymore. I'm looking for some part time work and will be substitute teaching while I finish up my masters. Talon is gearing up for med school applications and will keep working hard while he finishes his undergraduate. We're moving forward... into the darkness, walking by faith and not by sight.